Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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