Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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