i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
