i don't like sucking hair
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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