i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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