So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
