Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
