He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
