If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
