I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
