I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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