i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she told me i tasted like america
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
