i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
