we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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