1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
