I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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