I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
