Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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