i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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