I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
