Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
