I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Found the puke drawer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
