smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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