i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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