I think I am morally bankrupt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
