I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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