so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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