Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
