if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
