Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
