I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
