Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
