she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
