using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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