he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
