I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
