How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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