Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
