Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
