Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize