So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
