She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
