I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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