"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
