glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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