that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Don't make out with my wife yet
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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