I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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