I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
