dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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