Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
