He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
