We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
