I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
