we made out on top of his cat.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
