hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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