so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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