dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Even my vagina gasped.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
