I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
