Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
