I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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