my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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