Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize