His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
