Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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