i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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